where, when, why, how

memorabilia #2

where did the years have to go, frantically disappearing in such a hurry like they have.
I remember vividly the first time all but one of you came home, and she was waiting for me when I first did instead. I remember days and moments no one could ever replicate.
where did the simple years of you as my best friends, first-choice playmates go?
where did the days disappear to when you said "when I was three..." even though your stories happened days before, and being three was impossible.
when did you outgrow your 2 year old, toe-headed bowl cut, sweeping the floor with your toy broom?
why aren't you the cutest chubby 3 year old still, blond hair flying away like a crazy girl, squealing in terror over pretend mice?
why don't you sit in my passenger seat of my first car every Sunday, us talking away, my best friend, even though you were 5 years younger and only 13?
the days of hilariously ridiculous platinum blonde haircuts are long gone, fluffs of puffy hair coating the floor from your 4 year old scissor frenzies just a story.
the love and delicate attention you gave to insignificant Beau and Binny and aaallll their many babies, the tears you cried when there were mishaps and accidents- where did those days go?
how did you grow out of sleeping with me, when did you stop needing me to hold you and sing to you every night?
where are the nights of singing every Disney song created at the time in unison with you, and why did they leave so fast?
why don't you still bribe me with snuggles to tickle your back?
why can't we still be young enough to fight over cleaning our room?
why can't I still be sharing dads lap with you and listening to him sing "old McDonald" and "hush little baby"?
where did the mornings of sitting at the counter with moms mini espresso cups go, drinking coffee with her and talking away to the most important people in our world?
potty training you, cheering when you learned to walk, teaching you how to ride a bike... how did it all just go by?
the big brown bean bag chair- when did we outgrow running and jumping on it together, and enjoying it way beyond the activities worth?
the funny, crazy things you said and did, the things you did to be like your big brothers, have turned into you now being the funny, thoughtful, sweet older brother to 3 others.
all of our tea parties, our "kid presents" of wrapping each other up in blankets and giving mama special "gifts", our concerts and plays, trips to the ditch to catch water skeeters and crawdads, riding our bikes to walmart, games of charades, illegally sliding down the stairs on sleeping bags and "running the circle" or rollerblading through the house when dad wasn't home... it's all history. fighting over chores is something I will never do with you again. who has to fold the laundry and who gets to put it away? none of us now... or rather, all of us I guess. because we all went and grew up, and I don't get to play with you anymore, hold your hand, get sent to my room for fighting with you at the dinner table, or fall asleep next to you on the couch while dad reads us a story. I don't get to hear you ask mom to come tuck you in one more time.
I loved sharing my life and childhood with all of you... I love my memories of us. one of the only things I wish is that I could still be with you all, just the same, every day. but instead, I get to be as proud of you as anyone could be, because as amazing as it was to grow up with you as hilarious, ragamuffin children, you are all equally incredible almost adults and adults that I respect and adore, that are still my best friends. And the midgets that aren't grown up yet are bound to be just as brilliant and amazing and I adore just as much.
basically, I miss it. I love what we are now... but I miss being together every day. I will always love us.