Come and Learn

" Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.   
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.   
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Enough

I got a call from John today, saying there'd been an accident at work... the crane had hit a powerline, there was a current that ran through the crane, down out onto the metal pad, and exploded out the concrete, very near where numerous men from the job were standing.
When he called, he said first that he was on his way to the hospital, but I knew he was okay because he was calling me. He told me it was just precautionary, and that he had felt some of the current from where he was standing, but that he was fine. The company just wanted him to get checked out.
I went down to the city to wait with him and then bring him home... I listened to him tell the nurses and doctors over and over again the story... crane, powerline, current, his hair stood up and his arms tensed. And I slowly became overwhelmed with the realization that this could have been such a different story.
Until I lay here in bed, my husband sleeping sweetly next to me, fear and panic threatening in my throat. And I realize again, like I do daily, I am not enough.
I'm mostly a care free-ish girl. I'm not one to worry about car accidents or diseases happening to people I love, and I've never been overly concerned about danger. But since falling madly in life altering love, my fears have changed.
Every day, I tell him to be safe. I write him notes in his lunch box, reminding him that I adore him, and asking him to be careful. I struggle not to worry when he leaves the house, when he doesn't feel well, and when I can't hear his steady breath in bed next to me at night. But still I know, almost panicking at times, I am not enough.
I am not enough because it isn't up to us. Because maybe a car just swerved into someone else's lane, and now someone isn't here anymore. Or because a person has a headache, and then it is a brain aneurysm, and there is nothing anyone can do and they are gone.
Because a superintendent made an impatient decision to move loads in an unsafe area, and a crane operator made an impulsive, fast movement, and then there's multiple husbands not going home to their wives, or daddies not going home to their babies, sons not going home to their parents.
And it's then that I realize that I am not enough, but He is.
Because I can turn to Him at any time, praying for my husband with all my heart, and entrusting his life and soul into the hands of our Creator, knowing that He will care for him in a way that I never can. That He loves him more than I ever will. That He knows the outcome, the details, the meaning of every single thing, and that it is all, ever for our good.
And that our trust, my confidence, can be placed in the good, holy and faithful God beyond any other person or thing.
I am full of failure, of misstep and incompetence, and laying here tonight, I'm full of the realization of it again. Of the smallness of myself, of all humans. We don't determine outcomes, no matter how big and important we think we are. But in that, I am so thankful that I'm not left there. I'm so thankful that there is a God, and that He is trustworthy- that I can know He holds my world in His hands, and He guides the future as He has the past. That every day I know He is sufficient and so much more than enough.
I'm immeasurably thankful to Him that He protected John today, and that it was Him that did the protecting.

Sweet days

These last couple months have gone by so sweetly, and so quickly. Before I know it, we'll have been married a lifetime.
Marriage is everything beautiful and sweet and precious so far, and I can't get enough time with my best friend. He is such a good husband, joyfully providing for us, uncomplaining and thankful for his opportunity to work hard. And in quiet, inconspicuous ways, he takes such good care of me. Listening to me talk, helping me clean the kitchen, opening my car door, jumping to serve me even when he's so tired. Reading to me, praying with me and sharing what the Lord is teaching him. Always treasuring and caring about my heart... He re-captures it every day.
Our days are full of a simple routine, easy and peaceful. He gets up in the morning and goes off to work while I clean the house, work on my projects and make dinner. We spend our evenings together, just being with each other, content.
I woke up in the night, last night, holding his hand, and my heart filled up with how much I adore him. I love the man he is, and I love walking through life, learning to be steady and anchored in the Lord, with him.
I am full of peaceful contentment, and am cherishing this beautiful new season with my husband.