Depth of Mercy

Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me?
Can my God His wrath forbear,
Me, the chief of sinners, spare?

Heaven find me on my knees
Hear my soul’s impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me

Now incline me to repent,
Let me now my sins lament,
Deeply my revolt deplore,
Weep, believe, and sin no more.

Heaven find me on my knees
Hear my soul’s impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me.

Home

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause i’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause i’m going to make this place your home

Oh, ADD friday.

We got new cups at work, just 3 of them- fat, funny little blue ones. We've had them for a week at least, but today as I was putting dishes away, I realized again how much I like them. Needless to say I got distracted from putting them away and made myself a caramel americano in one of them instead.
I wish it was my weekend, but its NOT. I'm opening tomorrow, so here's to lots more -americanos and patient co-workers! ;)

Safe with Him

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you." Philippians 4:6-9

• I choose to believe the best of my God, my family, my friends and whoever I interact with. My family and the Lord love me- I can trust them.

• I will meditate on good things and not allow Satan to control my mind- I belong to the Lord and only Him. No one and nothing else has the right to control me.

• I believe in Jesus, I believe He can save me. I believe that He is greater than all my problems and weakness, and I believe He adores and treasures me. I can trust in Him.

I saw this week how helpless I truly am against Satan, and I fully know the Lord is the only one who can deliver me from my incredible weakness. The statements I just wrote are things I am having to continually repeat to myself. In my head, 200 times a day, on paper, in my notebook, saying it different ways and meditating on it, believing it.

Running through my mind almost always is the mantra of anxiety, that people don't love me, that I am worthless. That the Lord won't help me. Usually it is an undercurrent in my thoughts, poisoning my life. Until it builds up enough, and something happens that "proves" his lies true, and then, like what happened this week, I snap. My mind becomes suffocated by thoughts that can only be from Satan.

I'm fully aware right now that my hold on what ground I have is fragile- I feel it slipping all day long, every day so far. I also know that the Lord pulled me back from the brink of disaster this week, and because of that, I can't afford not to throw myself continually into Him and His truth. The truths He has shown me. Which brings me back to my statements. I am loved- my God loves me, my families love me. They adore me. I can trust Him and them. THIS is truth. I have nothing to fear.

I am treasured, cherished, chosen, special. He has taken such measures to protect me. He placed me in the middle of what I need. I have to heal and grow, and he's willing to risk my sanity and life because he knows what is best for me, and that without this, where I am and what I am going through, I will forever be an emotional, mental cripple. He's saving me. He makes no mistakes, and he never acts outside of absolute love. He only wants me to be what he created me to be.

My mind and heart are a disturbing war ground, between the lies I feel, and the truth I have to repeat again and again and believe. I am loved, by Him and by the amazing people He has blessed me with. They care about me.

I am so glad the verse says that the peace of God will keep my heart and mind. I can't keep it, but I can keep giving it to Him. I'm not in the clear yet, I have to keep going.

Half-life

before the truth goes back into hiding
I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding
to work on finding something more than this fear

It takes so much out of me to pretend
tell me now, tell me how to make amends

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

I keep trying to understand
this thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you know
when i figure it out.