I'm a worrier by nature... since being with John, I've found how often I fret about things out of my control. Thankfully the Lord has given me a husband who is so patient, but that also cares about my anxiety enough to talk me through it and pray with me. I am so blessed!
But also, the Lord has been showing me over and over the utter uselessness of worry, and reminding my heart of His goodness and providence, day after day. Some of my worries seem silly, but in Him, all are truly ridiculous. I now find myself journaling daily, praying and remembering his absolute providence... because HE reminds me. I don't remember who said it, but one of my favourite quotes is, "you can trust the Man who died for you."
This last couple years, it's as if He has just said, okay, enough wandering. Walk with me. I'm sure He was saying it before that too, but maybe I can finally hear it. There have always been so many distractions, and now there are so few, because he removed them... which caused me worry. But if he hadn't, I never would have known he could fill the holes they left! Jobs, family, friends, projects, busyness- they aren't bad things, and I love them, but I don't have them so near me anymore, some not at all. It was so painful at first... But then I started leaning on Him, and I am so glad.
When we got married, I worried about our wedding. I struggled not to worry about money, about decorations and guests, about food, flowers, seating, clothing, vows, every detail. Our wedding was more perfect, smooth, exquisite and unique than anything I imagined... And we knew it was a gift, overflowing with unexpected help and incredible blessings. All my worry did nothing.
Then we faced our bills and income and found huge discrepancies... And I worried again. We prayed that He would supply, and His providence shocked me. He met every single need, smoothly and quietly, from the timing of John's job to the house He found us. Quiet miracles, and so amazing!
I worried again as we faced more bills, big and small needs for households items, loneliness in a new state, a dangerous job, a broken down car, and then all the needs of expecting a baby. And each time, He overflows His providence into our lives.
He gave us a couch, a car, free wood to build shelves, tools to borrow to build things, an insurance settlement to pay our rent deposit, dozens of small household items, a dresser, two strollers, a carseat and a crib, as well as numerous small baby items, all completely free. Some from people who are strangers to me, but want to help us for some reason, some from family and friends. All without asking, and often after praying... we have been truly overwhelmed!
And the loneliness He has met with Himself, causing me to draw near and lean, to seek and love Him more. He's given me a few close friends to spend time with, a church to go to where we are encouraged and fed, and so much time to pray for my family and friends. He has protected my husband every day, all day long, in many cases when things could have gone very badly. And He has drawn us closer and closer to Him, learning to walk with Him as a couple, loving and supporting one another.
So, why should I worry? I can and should trust the Man who died for me!
