He is my Always.

I can say it's all okay... That it will work out. I can hope that it will. I do trust that all of these issues, all the relationships that seem to be broken or diseased right now, will be resolved and healed, because we are all His children, and that IS His will. I KNOW He loves me, and them... He adores each one of us.

But something I've realized tonight, knowing all of that, believing it, trusting Him... That doesn't mean He doesn't care about how all of this feels.

I am so human. So faulty. I open my mouth, or take a step, and it is bound to be somewhat defective or damaging in some way. It always is. I know that He holds me, loves me, and is changing and growing me daily, and so it's not in despair that I'm saying this. It's just pain for what being imperfect does to my life and those I love. And I am so, so sorry for that.

I know everyone has experienced a moment where you deeply regret how things went down... How you didn't know until after the fact what a choice would do to your relationship. How, once you've hurt someone, intentionally or otherwise, do you manage to tell them that you love them so much you never meant to hurt them? It KILLS. Between me having my faults and everyone else having theirs, I don't know how any of us stand a chance with each other.

That's what I see and feel tonight... like I told one of my dearest friends recently, tears have been coming out of this pudgy little face a lot lately. I know it's true- we don't stand a chance with each other, and seeing that in action, knowing we are hurting each other, is painful in so many aspects. The world and everything in it seems to be in a constant state of self destruct- because it is.

But He is not. I've seen miracles over and over in my life, and this is not the end, no matter how bad it feels or looks. That, along with His comforting hand every day, the knowledge of His mercy and love over us, is what keeps me afloat. The feelings of pain will pass along with the situation, but He... He will always be here.